JUST BORN, GOT A FREE HAT 

Babies come with hats.

Lots of hats.  And about a half-dozen blankets, a week’s worth of diapers, some wipes, concierge service, free food, a masseuse, formula, paparazzi, lots of miscellaneous baby-related swag, an emcee, and (much later) a really big bill.  We had good insurance, so we were also provided a hype man during the delivery.

Naturally I was pretty nervous going into this thing.  I pictured the labor and delivery wing to be a grim place – akin to a civil war combat medic tent.  Blood everywhere.  Screaming.  At best, I figured that they would deliver the kid, hand him over, and say “here, you’re probably going to want to hose him off.”  So, what actually happened was a pleasant surprise.  Women, for about 48 hours on either side of delivery, have it pretty good.  You know, aside from the violent expulsion of a live human person.  The staff did an excellent job, which is to say they (1) listened to Jenn talk, and (2) laughed at her jokes.  Kudos.

Jenn was a model patient comedian the entire time.  Right up to and, yes, during the delivery.  She was the opening act for Finn’s birth.  She opened for her baby.  Who does that?

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